‘A series of short stories about imaginary women inspired by the lockdown and other things‘.
I am listening to the sound of the cycle from the washing machine while I am thinking that my life has been wasted. That’s right I wasted it. Many parts of me are agitated and uncomfortable by this enforced time of Covid. Even though I am lucky, I live in the country side near beautiful nature. And I don’t have anything to do. I suppose I find it difficult to do nothing. Like so many ‘doing’ makes me feel I have a purpose in life.
Recently I realised that a happy life is not a pain free life. Pop culture tells us that happiness is always getting things right , being successful and all of that. When you find an obstacle on the road and don’t know how to deal with it, wear a mask, put up a facade and pretend that everything is fine.
Anxiety about the virus also reminds me I must wear a mask and keep social distancing. But anxiety also gives me energy, this emotion that keeps me going. I am grateful for the lockdown because I had a period of time when I didn’t have to do anything. I became aware of the toxic relationship with myself. All these thoughts going on in my head like I should be different from what I am, I am not good enough, this or that situation that didn’t turn out right. Why does it never turns right?
But I also realised I am truly fortunate, there is a lake nearby, a body of water where I can swim. I never paid much attention to it before the pandemic struck. The water is cold. I am not used to it. But I’ve always wanted to try a bit of wild swimming.
I feel that I’ve always been one step away from everything I want. Like clearing the earth away from an amazing archeological discovery, bit by bit revealing the next detail.
I decided I not to worry so much anymore, instead I can do something a bit naughty, a little scary and go for a swim in the lake .